Dealing with Criticism...or Accusation...being spoken against
Famous quotes
Noel Coward said
I love criticism as long as its unqualified priase
Henreich Heine
He only profits from praise who values criticism
To escape criticism??? Impossible???
Elbert Hubbard said
Do nothing.. say nothing ..be nothing
So we may as well make up our minds how we will react when it happens
Constructive criticism can be great...Dad paintings
Destructive Criticism is deadly
Jesus spoke of what come out of our mouth is a true source of defilement
How hard it is when people misjudge our motives
Example...Hannah and David
1 Samuel 17:28New King James Version (NKJV)
28 Now Eliab his oldest brother heard when he spoke to the men; and Eliab’s anger was aroused against David, and he said, “Why did you come down here? And with whom have you left those few sheep in the wilderness? I know your pride and the insolence of your heart, for you have come down to see the battle.”
David comes to the camp.Matthew Henry...Actually David’s father had sent him
Jesse little thought of sending his son to the army at that critical juncture; but the wise God orders actions and affairs, so as to serve his designs. In times of general formality and lukewarmness, every degree of zeal which implies readiness to go further, or to venture more in the cause of God than others, will be blamed as pride and ambition, and by none more than by near relations, like Eliab, or negligent superiors. It was a trial of David's meekness, patience, and constancy.
He had right and reason on his side, and did not render railing for railing; with a soft answer he turned away his brother's wrath. This conquest of his own passion was more honourable than that of Goliath. Those who undertake great and public services, must not think it strange if they are spoken ill of, and opposed by those from whom they expect support and assistance. They must humbly go on with their work, in the face not only of enemies' threats, but of friends' slights and suspicions.
How hard it must have been for the grieving Hannah to be so wrongly accused
14 So Eli said to her, “How long will you be drunk? Put your wine away from you!”
15 But Hannah answered and said, “No, my lord, I am a woman of sorrowful spirit. I have drunk neither wine nor intoxicating drink, but have poured out my soul before the LORD. 16 Do not consider your maidservant a wicked woman,[a] for out of the abundance of my complaint and grief I have spoken until now.”
17 Then Eli answered and said, “Go in peace,
As believers ...We are to keep our behaviour so honourable that it’s hard to criticise us
1 Peter 2:12
12 having your conduct honorable among the Gentiles, that when they speak against you as evildoers, they may, by your good works which they observe, glorify God in the day of visitation.
BUT ...What shall I do if I am criticised? It can hurt although sometimes it’s so laughable that you cannot take it seriously
How should I react?
If we seek first the kingdom of God ...really that means that we seek first God’s way of doing and being...so we need to find out what Jesus would have done as well as what he told people to do
a..Naturally speaking you could turn a deaf ear....and ...you could ignore it completely..
but if you do ...you could ignore an instrument of God’s grace
People who criticise you can do you an enormous favour
b..If you were hurt by their criticism you could stuff it ..but its best not to ignore it and stuff it pretending it did not make you feel anything...then you will live a lie ...you will maybe avoid the person ...this is not Godly
Sticks and stones can break my bones but word can never hurt me..What rot!! Broken bones mend well ...hearts mend less easily
With people close to us its easy to be defensive and retaliate with a counter criticism ... well you’re this and that...this is not godly either
When a criticism comes whether it meant to hurt or not
Let your fleshes reaction die...TURN TO GOD
1. First of all .....Ask God if it was true or not ....any basis at all?
Don’t ask people....they never know your secret heart!
Don’t judge the person who said it
When David was cursed by Shimei...
5-8 when the king got to Bahurim, a man appeared who had connections with Saul's family. His name was Shimei son of Gera. As he followed along he shouted insults and threw rocks right and left at David and his company, servants and soldiers alike. To the accompaniment of curses he shouted, "Get lost, get lost, you butcher, you hellhound! GOD has paid you back for all your dirty work in the family of Saul and for stealing his kingdom. GOD has given the kingdom to your son Absalom. Look at you now—ruined! And good riddance, you pathetic old man!"
9 Abishai son of Zeruiah said, "This mangy dog can't insult my master the king this way—let me go over and cut off his head!"
10 But the king said, "Why are you sons of Zeruiah always interfering and getting in the way? If he's cursing, it's because GOD told him, 'Curse David.' So who dares raise questions?"
11-12 "Besides," continued David to Abishai and the rest of his servants, "my own son, my flesh and bone, is right now trying to kill me; compared to that this Benjaminite is small potatoes. Don't bother with him; let him curse; he's preaching GOD's word to me. And who knows, maybe GOD will see the trouble I'm in today and exchange the curses for something good."
13 David and his men went on down the road, while Shimei followed along on the ridge of the hill alongside, cursing, throwing stones down on them, and kicking up dirt.
ALWAYS Take it to a higher authority
Talk to God tells him about it confess our need...
Roll the care onto him...put those words into the right hands
Let criticism make you better not bitter
The more your heart is secure in God and full of his love...the more easily criticism will bounce off you
If it is true.... then you may end need to repent and end up thanking the one who said it
In the early days of the church...In the middle of a Bible study meeting a man said to me ...Margaret you are so controlling ...I said nothing but actually I was totally outraged...
How dare he????? ....when I had got over my fury I asked God about it ... He said it was true!
So at another time after I had repented and prayed about the matter and thoroughly dealt with it...THAT IS>>>>the truth of what he said as well as the hurt ...what do you think I did?
I thanked the man for helping me...because I was really grateful ...Many churches have been ruined by controlling pastors
they just do not grow as they should
As pastors we have experienced criticism that was true and some that was outrageously untrue...sometimes it was peoples reactions to something that we did that we knew was right , we knew God had said to do it
For instance in the few occasions...only one...really when we have asked people to leave...people take offense and criticise
People never know the whole truth because we can never share the ‘reasons why’ in their entirety
People frequently criticise a church when it does not suit them or when they feel badly treated by us or they do not like how we preach or what we do...Often it comes because of hurt that they have received through disappointment, unmet expectations
We just have to be sure that we are following God and not our oen whims and them we can pass it all by
2. If it’s a lie then have faith that the truth will always triumph over a lie
Think of the lies that were told about Jesus
• INSTANCES OF » Of Jesus, by the Jews falsely charging that he was a winebibber (wino) (Matthew 11:19)
Mathew 11 19 The Son of Man came eating and drinking, and they say, ‘Look, a glutton and a winebibber, a friend of tax collectors and sinners!’ c
• INSTANCES OF » That he blasphemed (Mark 14:64; John 5:18)
• INSTANCES OF » That he had a demon ( John 8:48, 52; 10:20)
Luke 11:17
Jesus knew what they were thinking and said, "Any country in civil war for very long is wasted. A constantly squabbling family falls to pieces. If Satan cancels Satan, is there any Satan left? You accuse me of ganging up with the Devil, the prince of demons, to cast out demons, but if you're slinging devil mud at me, calling me a devil that kicks out devils, doesn't the same mud stick to your own exorcists? But if it's God's finger I'm pointing that sends the demons on their way, then God's kingdom is here for sure.
• INSTANCES OF » That he was seditious... That he was a king
Luke 231Then the whole assembly rose and led him off to Pilate. 2And they began to accuse him, saying, "We have found this man subverting our nation. He opposes payment of taxes to Caesar and claims to be Christ, [a] a king."
3So Pilate asked Jesus, "Are you the king of the Jews?"
"Yes, it is as you say," Jesus replied.
4Then Pilate announced to the chief priests and the crowd, "I find no basis for a charge against this man."
5But they insisted, "He stirs up the people all over Judge by his teaching. He started in Galilee and has come all the way here."
Keep your cool...because God can give you the right words to say
EG>> Luke 12:11
"When they drag you into their meeting places, or into police courts and before judges, don't worry about defending yourselves—what you'll say or how you'll say it. The right words will be there. The Holy Spirit will give you the right words when the time comes."
Jesus did answer them ....but it was factual and WISE...an answer for the Holy Spirit
Luke 11:17
Jesus knew what they were thinking and said, "Any country in civil war for very long is wasted. A constantly squabbling family falls to pieces. If Satan cancels Satan, is there any Satan left? You accuse me of ganging up with the Devil, the prince of demons, to cast out demons, but if you're slinging devil mud at me, calling me a devil that kicks out devils, doesn't the same mud stick to your own exorcists? But if it's God's finger I'm pointing that sends the demons on their way, then God's kingdom is here for sure.
BUT >>>>If the criticism was not true...you can afford wait to be exonerated ...the truth will out!!!
At end of this verse...Mathew 11 19
But wisdom is justified by her children.”
The truth will out !!! You will be proved right
Jesus just loved and giving ...EVEN when he was crushed by crucifixion and death... he did not retaliate...
The spirit of God in him made it impossible for him to stay crushed
The spirit of God in you will do just the same
It is said that ....He trusted in him who judges justly
1 Peter 2:22-24 (Amplified Bible)
22He was guilty of no sin, neither was deceit (guile) ever found on His lips.
23When He was reviled and insulted, He did not revile or offer insult in return; when He was abused and suffered, He made no threats of vengeance; but he trusted [Himself and everything] to Him Who judges fairly.
24He personally bore our sins in His [own] body on the tree as on an altar and offered Himself on it, that we might die (cease to exist) to sin and live to righteousness. By His wounds you have been healed.
The lowest form of defense is retaliation
.Jesus said turn the other cheek....
The highest form of retaliation is faith and acting in an opposite spirit
1 Corinthians 4:13
13When we are slandered and defamed, we [try to] answer softly and bring comfort. We have been made and are now the rubbish and filth of the world [the offscouring of all things, the scum of the earth].
Return love not hate,
Blessing not cursing....
Kindness not criticism
If people mean to hurt you with criticism then they need your love and understanding ...They are obviously very hurt people
TRUST HIM >>>God will judge between the two of you
Those who know their God will do mighty exploits ...it’s a mighty exploit when you an overlook an offense or a criticism
It’s a sign of maturity
The only person that you can strike back at is the devil because sometime we are not simply fighting flesh and blood
Job...friends criticised him but really Satan was trying to desroy God and Job’s reputation
In the garden of Gethsemene...Jesus said “Peter put up your sword”
Fear and hurt urge us to strike back ...faith is the only force strong enough to keep us steady
Believe that God will raise up a champion on your behalf
If we act in an opposite spirit we give God the opportunity to defend us and raise someone up who will defend us.
I have had great delight in clearing other people’s names
3. Practice forgiveness “father forgive them”
It was sin and the devil ...not just people that killed Jesus
Sometimes there are higher powers at work that want to destroy us and when we strike back we sow a seed that empowers Satan...’they that live by the sword will die by the sword’
Forgiveness will take the sting out of the hurt
Let the spirit of God in you absorb the hurt...Greater is He who is in you....
Do not be drawn into a web of hate...spider and fly end up paralysed like the spiders does
Henry Ford said
‘I will never let anyone drag me down by making me hate him.’
4. pray for the one who hurt you...they need it
These things often bounce back onto people
Jesus said whatsoever a man sows that shall he reap
John 7:24
24 Do not judge according to appearance, but judge with righteous judgment.”
John 8:15
15 You judge according to the flesh; I judge no one.
.......Talking of things coming back into people
If you have....criticised and spoken against people
...in view of the sowing and reaping scripture you best pray for a crop failure
If your eye is pure then your whole body will be full of light
Let no corrupt communication come out of your mouth
Do Not Judge
1 “Judge not, that you be not judged. 2 For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you. 3 And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye? 4 Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me remove the speck from your eye’; and look, a plank is in your own eye? 5 Hypocrites! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.
We need to remember how much mercy we need ourselves and repent of a critical spirit ..(.and remember the pointing finger one at them three at us )
We notice most the faults in others that we have ourselves
When I am tempetd to think someone has let me down humility says
Remember how many times you have done the same
(Look Joyce I am sorry I neglected you when you were sick)
Make a decision
Psalm 15 1-3
1 LORD, who may dwell in your sanctuary?
Who may live on your holy hill?
2 He whose walk is blameless
and who does what is righteous,
who speaks the truth from his heart
3 and has no slander on his tongue,
who does his neighbor no wrong
and casts no slur on his fellowman,
PS 39 1
1 I said, "I will watch my ways
and keep my tongue from sin;
I will put a muzzle on my mouth
as long as the wicked are in my presence."
Ps 37 20
30 The mouth of the righteous man utters wisdom,
and his tongue speaks what is just.
